Research Squad Delta, you're back on. In fact, I've personally exhumed and resurrected my own personal Research Squad Tesla from their 'eternal' rest and put them on task. Assist them wherever possible.
I have also reopened my old Medical Offices in the Theta Facilities. If you've got more than a century of employment time under your belt you know what that means. (Also, good for you for surviving so long. We'll have milk and cookies in the veteran's area for you.)
That's right folks. The Centennial Reviews and Medical Exams. As your number is called, report to my Offices in Theta, and be prepared to have your insides on your outside. I will personally eviscerate you, and if you're lucky, re-viscerate you. After all, the best divinations about your future comes from your own entrails.
I would highly recommend not having anything to eat or drink until after your review. Suffice to say, if I rip you open and find some nasty half digested milk duds and a ham sandwich, I'm going to be more inclined to simply shove you off the table and into the scrap heap for Elder to sift through later.
That's right folks. The Centennial Reviews and Medical Exams. As your number is called, report to my Offices in Theta, and be prepared to have your insides on your outside. I will personally eviscerate you, and if you're lucky, re-viscerate you. After all, the best divinations about your future comes from your own entrails.
I would highly recommend not having anything to eat or drink until after your review. Suffice to say, if I rip you open and find some nasty half digested milk duds and a ham sandwich, I'm going to be more inclined to simply shove you off the table and into the scrap heap for Elder to sift through later.
Bribes are always accepted, as long as you swallow them in a gastrointestinally safe vessel. After all, who the hell wants a blood orb with your insides stuck to it?
Remember, there's nothing to be afraid of. This is mandatory. You've got a decent chance of surviving your review. Especially if you're undead, re-dead, mummified, regenerative, etc.
All insectoid and other chitin coated life forms will be reporting to Dr. Gary Elder's Exam Labs in the Nu Mining Facility. You can expect the same treatment from him.
Best of luck to you all, I look forward to gutting you.
Question: I am made of "flesh", but filled to the fucking brim with wasps and beetles and hornets and dragonflies and whatnot. Do I come to you, and have you send the swarm to Elder, or do I assume hive-form and go there directly, of do I just spew a fountain of wasps at the nearest intern and just get back to work? I am very busy, and only have a minute or two to spare for being dissected.
ReplyDeleteAs your physician, I'm fully aware of your situation. I've had Gladys clear your schedule for next Thursday. Unlike last time where we simply stuck you inside a glacier, we can now flash-freeze you with liquid nitrogen for examination and divination. I'm a little excited about the process.
ReplyDeleteOf course, you can still expect to smell like Baalor bile for a week afterwards. It's still the best and only thing we've got for thawing out your buzzing ass with the fewest swarm casualties.
Seeing as you resurrected Tesla squad, I have more than my hands full at the moment so sadly I will be sending one of my clone batches in my stead. Feel free to do with them what you will, but please send back at least 2 I have some things that I need to inject them with to determine if it will turn my bones to gelatin or make them as hard as the core of a star.
ReplyDeleteActually, we finished your exams while you were in hyperstasis, during the last cloning stent you went on. I found it convenient. This would also explain all the track marks on your clones arms, if you were curious about that.
ReplyDeleteI would gladly take your clones assistance in the slice and dice, as it were. You'll have as many back as our employees don't slaughter in their attempts to escape.